By now the Olympic torch is so much of a celebrity that it has its own agent and gives out regular press releases: ‘I shall be visiting Staffordshire. Watch me being carried along by the lesser celebrities The Wanted.’
You really have to suffer to see any kind of celebrity. By the fourth rain downpour I was soaked through.
Just as long as no-one got in the way for the photos….
Of course, I was able to grab a quick interview as the celebrities passed by. Here is my exclusive:
“So, Olympic flame. How does it feel to be carried by The Wanted?”
“Άφησέ με ήσυχο.”
“I travel all the way from Greece and you demand I speak English? Lucky for fools like you, I’m multi-lingual.”
“What will go through your mind when you reach the Olympic stadium?”
“Who the Hades are you? I’m on fire. I will be thinking of setting the world alight.”
“What if you go out?”
“Nothing can stop me. Not even the end of the world.”
“Have you got any post-Olympic plans?”
“I have a little condominium on a Greek island where I plan to spend my golden years.”
“In this economy how can you justify that kind of luxury. Are you a white elephant?”
“Do I look like an elephant? I will be giving hope to millions. I will be setting a burning desire in the hearts of souls throughout nations. I will stir up the best instincts in men, women and children.”
“What would you say to people who say the past Olympics were much better?”
“I would say that the children of today will say the same thing.”
“If the world doesn’t end?”
“No-one’s talking about the end of the world, shut up fool, I have an important job to do. I’m on fire.”
“One last question. How do you get up from an all time low?”
But before I knew it both The Wanted and the Olympic torch had passed by.